On this date...

Today, we will go back in history and discuss influential important significant pretty regular events that took place on September 26 September 28 around this date in history (Official Editor's Note:  This probably would've been better if I would have done it on the exact date, but I've been busy, ok?  Get off my case)

We'll go chronologically.

On this date (September 28), in 1990...

...David Jeremiah Acton was born.

Fun Fact: Dave came out of the womb in a tux.

 Dave has been a champion from the very beginning, coming in first place in the "Most Beautiful Baby of 1990" award from Huntington hospital with a total of 78 votes, which was 78 votes over the next highest finishers.  Over 52 of the voters (Huntington hospital nurses) also claimed to have been hit on by the young Maestro, and 51 said that his wooing attempts were successful (the other seemed to be so overwhelmed by the beautiful baby's dreamy stare that she couldn't speak, so she couldn't technically answer the question).

29 nurses claimed that it was Dave's "angel-like" smile that won them over

Davman2890 passed through elementary school without attending a single class, preferring instead to smoke cigarettes on the playground with the 5th graders.  He was also undefeated in both four-square and capture the flag, generally intimidating the other players by his size before they would even attempt to beat him.  After being heavily recruited by most of the NBA, Dave took his talents to South Beach, leading the Miami Heat to the 2006 NBA championship under the pseudonym of "Shaquille O'Neal."  Due to gambling allegations, Dave was forced to hang up his sneakers after the season ended, at which point he returned to Strong Island to join the Huntington High School track team, where he won 3 state championships in the 4x100 meter relay, where he was the starter and anchor for the team (he also ran the second and third legs).  The combo of Acton, Acton, Acton, and Acton finished the New York State Championships with a time of 36.91 seconds.  Although this record (and the championship) was later revoked because a rule had been added that an individual runner could only run one leg of a relay.  Nonetheless, it is considered one of the New York State Public High School Athletic Association's greatest moments.  Acton was later disallowed from competing in the Olympics because the electronic timers used in Beijing were too slow to react to the Maestro's speed.  He was given an honorary gold medal.

Dave running the second leg of the NYSPHSAA State Championship

In the fall of 2008, the University of Notre Dame began recruiting Dave, who they considered to be their top academic prospect.  Because he had been a professional basketball player, Dave was ineligible to play any sports for the Irish, but this opened the door for President Father John Jenkins to offer him ten full ride scholarships, essentially giving him $1,800,000, as well as covering class fees, to attend Notre Dame.  Mr. Acton was also placed into Alumni Hall, where he serves as second in command to Father George Rozum.

Dave showing his joy after being named #1 recruit.  His much less important friend seems to be honored just to be in the same room as this great man.

Today, Dave splits his time between saving young squirrels and helping Aerospace Engineering students with their homework.

On this date (September 26), in 1994...

...Stuart Streit was born.

Stuart after distributing one of his legendary vanilla-smelling farts

Some say that Leonardo da Vinci was the Stuart Streit of his generation.  In his sixteen years of existence, Stuart has mastered the fields of academics, athletics, and music in ways unmatched by anyone in the history of the world (Research not needed.  Letters to Pilky staff is pretty sure about this one).

Stuart was named Pharoah of the Universe on September 27, 1994, a duty which he will carry to his death bed

Stuart was first noticed by the academic world when he received the first 4.0 ever achieved at Beginnings Montessori preschool, which had previously striven to treat all pupils equally.  Said Lorie Hyatt, the principal at Beginnings, "We could always tell that Stuart was the alpha male of the class.  He insisted that the only way that he would ever get accepted into MIT after graduation would be if he was given a 4.0, and when he started threatened us to a calculus competition for the transcript, we decided that it would be better to just give it to him than to be embarrassed and be forced to give it to him."  Stuart received an undergraduate degree in Computational and Systems Biology in the summer of 2000, after which he enrolled at South Elementary in Crystal Lake.  He was the valedictorian of the class of 2005, and filled the same role in 2008 at North Middle School.  His current class rank is undisclosed by Guidance Counselor Liz Arbir, but we're pretty sure that she just couldn't figure out what this confusing symbol meant: 1).

Stuart frequently has his clothing ripped off by adoring fans.  At this concert, it was the happy dude behind Stuart's bulging left bicep.

Stuart first entered the musical world with a resounding performance of "Jesus Loves Me" in the First Congregational Church's Melody Makers choir.  Since then, Stuart has mastered the piano and totally blows at the french horn (Get it?).  Some say that Beethoven has used the Stuman's work as inspiration for his symphonies, while Ben Folds routinely covers Stuart's songs for his albums and in concert.  Instead of using words to describe Stuart's musical talents, I believe that it would be more appropriate to use this song that Stuart wrote about himself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fppMDpe0W50

Stuart loads up to unleash a 107 mph fastball

Stuart's athletic career is considered by some to be his greatest personal accomplishment.  After leading Beginnings to three straight World Championships in football, basketball, baseball, and squash, he went on to lead both South and North to five and three more World Championships, respectively, in the same sports, although he decided to drop squash after the World Squash Federation was unable to create a rubber polymer that was able to withstand the power of Stuart's swings.  Upon entering high school, Stuart joined the cross country team, despite having a serious case of Severe Lack Of Whatever is Needed when Entertaining Serious Speed (You can take care of the acronym for yourself).  Coach Bill Eschman believes that Stuart's work ethic and tenacity more than make fun of his S.L.O.W.N.E.S.S.  Stuart also pitched for Team America in the 2010 RZ Dominica Elite tournament, being named El Mejor Lanzador (actually true).  He had to forfeit the award, however (not so true), when he failed to kiss the girl that RZ Dominica provided for such that purpose (kind of true).  Stuart is currently being heavily recruited by Theo Epstein of the Boston Red Sox to fill the role of both Assistant General Manager and replacing Jonathon Papelbon as the closer.

(Editor's note: The following material is extremely emotionally taxing, and is not recommended for those not sitting down, or those with weak stomachs, or for those not from Crystal Lake)

On this date (September 28), in 2008...

This guy

and this girl

fell in this

and the world is believed to have done this.